When I was a little girl my grandmother made homemade bread every day. Warm, fresh, good for me bread. And, like any typical little girl of my time, I complained that we weren’t like the other families who ate their bread already sliced and from a plastic bag.

If I only knew that one day I would be desperate to toss out that pre-sliced junk for the real stuff. Like my grandmother used to bake.

I have been trying to perfect my bread making ability for what seems like forever now. My curse upon homemade bread as a child bounced back and cursed me into a complete inability to make a good loaf. This one is too flat, that one is too doughy. This won’t rise enough, that tastes like cardboard. I’ve tried the bread for morons recipe, pulled recipes from Artisan Bread in Five Minutes a Day (Amazon.com link), and from the picture above tried a recipe that everyone swore I couldn’t mess up. I think it is time for me to accept that baking bread will not be my specialty.

It almost pains me to say that. Imagine life without melting butter smeared on a slice of hot, fresh bread. Never again experiencing sandwiches made from thick, fluffy slices that I cut myself. What on earth will I dip into my soup broth if not a steaming slice that I just pulled out of the oven?

So here I am, begging, pleading, for just one more recipe. An absolute foolproof bread. One that will rise, be light and fluffy, taste like heaven, and satisfy all my memories of amazing bread. Also, recipes for hard as a brick yet doughy inside lumps of bread. Please?